So, I'm sitting in my house thinking about all the times I've been through a Philadelphia winter, huddled in a house with a dozen friends eating food and playing games during a snowstorm. And thinking how I cannot even imagine that happening these days, with this hurricane on the way. How those times have tapered off over the years. And I feel a little crushed that having a family has completely usurped the very close family of friends I'd so quickly been welcomed into when I came to Philadelphia 6 years ago, as an angsty, mixed up, soul-searching young 19 year old.
I understand that dynamics change. That much of my first few years in this city and this community were full of booze and hormone filled bad decisions and drama, and that we've since grown up. That many of us have formed real families of our own and have been pulled farther into our household and out of our oikos. And our friend groups have gotten smaller and become more based on our relationship status and childrens ages than our starry-eyed desire to change the world in big picture ways. But I want both. I NEED both. My family is my life, but my family is not all of who I am. And people have always mattered to me more than anything. I believe I have the capacity to love more than I do. And I wonder if any of you are feeling the same.
So what I'm asking for here is a new movement. A new reach to stay connected outside of this screen. To resurrect family dinners that consist of far more than our immediate family. To have Sunday brunches and record listenings and afternoon tea. To be intentional in forming new relationships and reviving old ones. In surrounding our children with our friends and our conversation and our passions as creative, smart, funny individuals. I want my family to know you and be known by you. And I want friendships that aren't only based on the existence of said family.
I want being poor to not keep me from being generous. Not to worry about how little food we have in the fridge and how messy our house is to keep me from inviting friends into it and feeding them what I have. I'm not looking to change the world in the big picture sense quite yet. I'm looking to change my world so I have the energy and passion to do bigger things down the road.
Maybe I'm the only one who hasn't figured out this balance, maybe the old dynamic is too far gone, but if you feel the same I'd love to try. All that to say, I want my friends in my new life. I want a middle ground. And I want your help in this. I'd like to resurrect family dinner, maybe moving from house to house. Once a month to start? We'll do the first one and pick a date once I get a feel for who is interested. So... there's that.
I understand that dynamics change. That much of my first few years in this city and this community were full of booze and hormone filled bad decisions and drama, and that we've since grown up. That many of us have formed real families of our own and have been pulled farther into our household and out of our oikos. And our friend groups have gotten smaller and become more based on our relationship status and childrens ages than our starry-eyed desire to change the world in big picture ways. But I want both. I NEED both. My family is my life, but my family is not all of who I am. And people have always mattered to me more than anything. I believe I have the capacity to love more than I do. And I wonder if any of you are feeling the same.
So what I'm asking for here is a new movement. A new reach to stay connected outside of this screen. To resurrect family dinners that consist of far more than our immediate family. To have Sunday brunches and record listenings and afternoon tea. To be intentional in forming new relationships and reviving old ones. In surrounding our children with our friends and our conversation and our passions as creative, smart, funny individuals. I want my family to know you and be known by you. And I want friendships that aren't only based on the existence of said family.
I want being poor to not keep me from being generous. Not to worry about how little food we have in the fridge and how messy our house is to keep me from inviting friends into it and feeding them what I have. I'm not looking to change the world in the big picture sense quite yet. I'm looking to change my world so I have the energy and passion to do bigger things down the road.
Maybe I'm the only one who hasn't figured out this balance, maybe the old dynamic is too far gone, but if you feel the same I'd love to try. All that to say, I want my friends in my new life. I want a middle ground. And I want your help in this. I'd like to resurrect family dinner, maybe moving from house to house. Once a month to start? We'll do the first one and pick a date once I get a feel for who is interested. So... there's that.
I don't have any children of course, but since moving to Germantown I've found it easier and easier to isolate myself in my house and garden up here, pretending that having 11 roommates means all of my social needs are met (or perhaps feeling overwhelmed by a constant presence of people makes me retreat). I am looking forward to having my own place in a month, and making an effort to both get back to the old neighborhood more often to rekindle old friendships, and open up my space to nights of food and wine and music listening and kids playing and whatever else. I'm afraid that, kids or no kids, getting older has been causing me to settle a little too much- worrying how I'm going to get here or there and when I'm going to leave and how convenient or inconvenient that all might be. I'm interested in stirring things up and seeing what happens.
ReplyDeleteSuch great thoughts, Siobhan! Stephan and I would be into that. Give me a call sometime! -Sarah
ReplyDeleteAmanda, I did the same thing when I had housemates. Even if we weren't intentional with spending quality time together, I felt like I was getting my social fill just by being home. It turned me into such a recluse. Now that I spend most of my time with a baby I am finding out how important it is to me to spend time with other people. I would love to come hang in Germantown.
ReplyDeleteSarah, seriously. We live so close and I haven't seen you in ages! I'm bad at reaching out. So I put things on the internet to hold me accountable (-: